What to say

What do you do when someone drops a bomb on you?

What do you say?

You want to say all the things you should say and want to say,

But all of a sudden your throat goes dry like you swallowed sandpaper, and the more you try to say it the harder it gets,

You cry but don’t want to be weak

All you can do is be honest when the moment presents itself

I don’t know what I’m doing, where my healthy boundaries are, what they are?!

All I know is I’m starting to feel lost

What was once so simple has in seconds became complicated!

I want to support you and help you, but I don’t want to get hurt in the process, (unrealistic)

So now I am frozen

I pray for the strength to be strong and not want to turn to my old friend if things get really ruff

All of a sudden I feel like this whole situation is what could lead me to a drink.

So in order to avoid that, I need to be/communicate honestly and openly.

I have a feeling that I am engaging in unhealthy behaviour, old patterns emerging, but it’s the new me

So confused

Or is it just a projection of your confusion on me and now I just feel the way you feel

Is that what you wanted, subconsciously...?

Why is it that doing the right things hurts so much?

And that every movie song that I hear seems to resonate exactly where I am in my life right now.

Reminding me of the pain, something that once felt so good, now seems all wrong.

The very thing I was trying to avoid ended up happening; did I subconsciously make that happen?

I cried the whole way down, and tried to act normal WHY?

I spent all day thinking about my actions, words said, not said.

Trying to distract myself, something I seem to be really good at!

I speak from my heart and it hurts

What’s going on?