Always At The Back Of My Mind

I started drinking at an early age. Drinking is a culture on to its own; it is one that has been embedded in me forever. We all know that I drank, for many years, and now I dont drink. What people dont know is WHY I dont drink (I am referring to people whom may not know me very well, obviously the people closest to me know why I do not drink, they know a little too well!) Anyways, I have come to believe over the years that regardless of being an alcoholic or not people drink for a singular reason. This being that quite simply they like the effect produced by it. I never met a person who didn’t like drinking. Its practically everywhere in the media. Your having a bad day=Drink, dumped by your BF=Drink, celebrating a milestone=Drink you get the idea. Now there are a few things that separate us alcoholics from the layman. One being that alcoholics drink differently than others, though is requires a trained eye (or another alcoholic) to recognize these signs.

OK what I am trying to get at is...There are people who drink and so called ‘let their hair down’. These are people who drink to get wasted ‘ON OCCASION’ however they decorate it delicately with the lie of ‘oh I don’t do it that often’, and am not into people who “party” this is the labeling they use to describe people like me who know how to drink and could teach it as a profession. I hate to brake it to you ‘let your hair down, on occasion, I dont do it that often’ people, but you are no better than the rest, though I am not saying that I/we are better either. I just dont believe in decorating a little white lie up into something that we all know that it is not!

I would also like to state that though at one point in my life drinking was the bane of my very existence, it has turned into one of my greatest assets. It has made/molded me into the woman I am today. Till the day I die, I will always know what the latest flavors of alcohol are and my friend’s who still drink, tell me what they taste like, and I will always know what the price of beer is and what places serve after hours, and night flight and all the other stuff that goes with it. I am not uncomfortable being in bars, pubs, my life/family go to these places regularly and I have to be there for family affairs. So long as I never forget that I am alcoholic and that I can never drink normally, I am spiritually fit; I can attend these functions with confidence. Also I must always ask myself what are my intentions for attending these places (bars & pubs) if my intentions are in the right, then I shall proceed, if there is a shred of doubt, then it is better advised to not attend. I feel strong in my ability to not drink, yet I do not believe that I am impervious to the first drink. I must constantly remind myself that I am alcoholic, fist and foremost.